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Inside Tech: Happy 25th birthday father!

Posted by Karen on Aug 30, 2016 12:00:00 AM
It was the internet’s birthday last week and many were quick to come out and praise the impact it has had on the world since its inception back in {INSERT BIRTHDAY}. For example, if I didn’t have the internet, I wouldn’t be able to track back and look up the internet’s birthday and tell you that it was actually released on {INSERT BIRTHDAY}. Which brings me to my next point, consider that I am far too lazy to type ‘internet birthday’ into Bing (lol Bing!), can you even begin to imagine what life would be like if I didn’t have the world’s entire history in the palm of my hands? What would that be like? That would make for a good article right? And to demonstrate a level of authenticity not seen in quite some time, I will actually write this article without using the World Wide Web. Do I deserve a Pulitzer for such ground-breaking journalism? Honestly, I’m not sure as I can’t look up the entry requirements.

4. We’d have less air

If the internet disappeared tomorrow then trees would take the biggest hit. There are 5 billion pages on the web and that content would have to be moved to paper in order to satisfy the content hungry population. Fewer trees equal less air and less air means death. Congratulations, you just caused the end of the human race. Next!

3. We’d all be single

From arranging your date online to stalking your date’s social media profiles, the internet is central to dating in this day and age. Take that functionality away and nobody would ever get together again – a blind date would actually be just that! Fewer dates equal reduced population and reduced populations mean the end of the world. Congratulations, you just caused the end of the human race. Next!

2. We’d all own hoverboards

Everyone remembers Marty McFly’s hoverboard from Back to the future. Listen that film was like 20 years ago and that technology still doesn’t exist today. Why not you ask? Well my theory is that with the explosion of the internet in 1991 (there it is), boffins and investors saw more profit on the super highway and decided to take their money out of antigravity and put it straight into antisocial instead - and thus creating a world without hoverboards.

1. We’d have no friends

I don’t know about you but the only thing keeping my online friendships (the most important of relationships) going is the fact that I can share pictures of my dinner, holidays and numerous selfies with the swipe of a finger. Without followers and shares to validate my life decisions how would I ever know if anyone really liked me for who I was? Usually my posts get likes, shares and follows and by using a simple equation (Likes + Shares x Shares = Friend) I can work out who my best friends are. Without the internet equals no equation and ipso facto no friends.