Hosting the Oscars

28 · FEB ·2017

Bravo! Congratulations to La La Land for winning Best Picture at the 2017 Oscar awards ceremony, it was a wonderful achievement that certainly got the whole world –

Wait, what?

Oh that’s right! They didn’t win! Ha!

Sunday’s Oscars saw one of the biggest gaffes in television history when Faye Dunaway (or just some old lady to the average uncultured Brit) hilariously announced the wrong winner for the Best Picture gong. Producers of La La Land were already halfway through their speech before red faced organisers told them that the wrong card had been read out. It was quite a scene, man and one that I fully expect to come out on top in next years’ Most Shocking Moment category at the MTV TV Awards.

TV stunt or not, it got me thinking. How could the world’s most prestigious awards show make such a blunder? And how could they avoid it in the future? Well I’m pleased to announce that after 16 coffees I think I have a viable hypothesis. The Oscars need a new host.

Wait, what?

Now I love Jimmy Kimmel as much as the next generic Facebook user but he’s not the problem here. The problem, of course, is that the Oscars still primarily exists in the physical (and rather limited) confinements of reality. By shackling themselves down with the boring-laced shackles of “real life” they are missing a serious trick when it comes to scalability, price and, most importantly, reliability.

Wait, what?

Say what again! I dare ya, I double dare ya!

But seriously Mr. Hollywood you really need to up your cloud game, bro. Not only will the sweet, sweet unlimited capacity mean that everyone and their dog (or cat #animalism) can fit inside the venue, the backup solution ensures that even if you lose the winner's card, you can have it restored in seconds. You could literally call out the wrong name a hundred thousand times and still roll back to the card you need. Kind of like Groundhog Day in reverse minus Bill Murray.

Also imagine that you want to keep the non-beautiful Z-list celebrities out of the ceremony, the agility of cloud hosting means you could just switch venue and they’d have no clue where you were, whilst the hard as nails security means that even if they did find you, they couldn’t get past the 20 layers of encryption. It’s kismet!

Good point, Dan!

I know right. If I’m honest though I don’t think you’ll do it. Sometimes even when a better option presents itself (more secure, resilient, agile and cheaper!) you still won’t take it. Like that time I could have done some real work instead of writing this article…

…Paul Rudd! Paul Rudd should host the Oscars. That would be sweet. Slappadabaase!

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Posted by Dan Pope